As I said before, I’m coming back with a topic recently mentioned in my posts: shame. On this occasion, I would like to talk a little bit more about it and its significance as opposed to finding God’s love in our lives. In other words, what is shame replacing in our hearts?
The way I see it, shame is one of the biggest problems of humankind in the 21st Century. I can’t think of anyone who is actually free from shame issues in their own life. We all have problems dealing with shame because to my mind, shame is highly connected to our self worth and how we see ourselves.
Shame affects us differently in different areas of our being. Some people find shame in their physicality; that is, there is something about them physically that they don’t quite like, or they feel worthless because of that physical condition. Some weeks ago, I was watching TV and found an interesting show called Embarrassing Bodies. Basically, people who have some sort of complex come to this team of doctors that helps them sort that problem out. The problems are primarily physical, and the majority of the cases are resolved through a surgical intervention. I particularly liked the case of the lady who suffered from varicose veins, and her shame was such that she even had gone to a tattoo artist to cover the veins on her leg that she was so ashamed of. The truth is that she was extremely beautiful, and without considering the pain that it may have caused her, they were not as “awful” as she thought them to be. Eventually the doctors directed her to a surgeon who removed the varicose veins and she felt “restored” again. I’m personally glad that science is bringing restoration to people’s problems. Unfortunately, the shame that comes from physical discontentment is normally derived from some sort of shame inside us.
I’ve never been good at sports. In fact, I was very bad at it. Any sports I would try, I would suck at. In my life, I’ve practiced taekwondo, swimming, boxing, kendo, aikido, archery, football, scuba-diving, etc. I did taekwondo the longest. I practiced it for over 8 years and I remember how shame came to me through my performance.
There was this time when our “dojo” – or whatever you call a taekwondo school- performed an exhibition/friendly competition among ourselves for the families of the people who were in the school. When it came to one-to-one fight, I got very anxious. When I feel exposed and I don’t wear my glasses, I’m absolutely out of my comfort zone. So my performance resulted in a massive defeat. After that fight, we returned to our respective families to go home. When I got to my father, feeling ashamed for having lost, I embraced him so hard to avoid shedding tears. To my dismay, my father said “Why didn’t you fight back? You don’t know how to fight!” The tone of his discontent was of utter despise. That experience of rejection from my own father was infinitely harder than having lost the fight. I say this with no trace of reproach or anger.
When I tried football, or as the Americans say, “soccer,” I experienced another contribution to my shame. One day, I fell down on the ground in the middle of the field that was made of concrete. The shame of being fat and falling down was so that for whatever reason I couldn’t get up. I could see my mum standing close to the entrance looking at me with what seemed to me like embarrassment. The pain of my heart was worse than the pain on my knee, which was bleeding through the ripped tracksuit.
These two instances bear both physical and emotional shame. The physical shame wore off eventually, but the inner shame I have carried for so long. I think that emotional shame can be worse than any physical “flaw,” because for better or for worse our bodies change, and in that change, the shame can also vanish. Emotional shame, on the other hand stays longer unless we start a process of healing within us.
I had carried that load of shame on my shoulders for years because deep down, I felt that I was not loved my parents, appreciated by any friend, wanted by any employer, desired by any woman. I was seeking love in places that could reject me, and in fact, they did. I felt let down by so many people because, truthfully speaking, I was putting my trust, my love, my heart on them. The bottom line is, love is what my heart was crying out for, louder and louder through many years, and I knew in my head already that God was to fill that void of my heart.
However, for many years my feelings didn’t match my mind until one day it finally clicked in me. I felt God telling me: “You are my beloved son (John 17:23), the one in whom I delight (Psalm 139:14). I love you just as you are, with your imperfections, your clumsiness, your mistakes, and your sins. I take you as you are right now and I embrace you with tender love and care. You are one of my sheep, and I let you rest under the shadow of my wings (Psalm 63:7).” This brought comfort to my heart in the knowledge of my worth being in Christ and my love is God, my Abba. I am Abba’s kid, and I need nothing more.
Shame comes to govern our souls and it becomes this heavy, seemingly never-going-away chain that convinces us of the filth that we are, the tremendous disappointment that our lives are to others, the ridicule that we are and the feeling of unwantedness in our hearts. A child in a car listening to his mother’s cry: “You’re so bad…no one will ever love you”; a teenage girl who gets picked on in class because her looks are not as they “should be”; a parent who ignores his/her kids keeping them away from their life or vice versa; unloved wounds could last for so many, many years… But God’s love is never ending, never fallen short, always satisfying, always filling, always seeking your heart, always there; even when we don’t feel it.
My prayer for you is that shame goes away from your heart to be replaced fully by the love of God in the sacrifice of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen
Abba’s Kid
“2 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, 3 who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, 5 who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. 6 The LORD works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed.” Psalm103:2-6 (taken from ESV)
thelittlehouseontherock 